spare tyre.

nope, i'm not talking about the love handle bar which a gal would grab hold while riding behind her bf on a bike. nor am i talking abt the thunderbolt thighs that vibrate when a lady jogs. treating people as spare tyres; substitutes for the ideal love they think they are searching for. dots. sigh.. heard a few cases today, and i can't help but feel sad for the person who is there to replace the void of the lonely heart. how would he or she feel, being aware that deep down there is someone else on the other party's mind?

where is the fine line between moving on to accept a new love and filling one's emptiness? can one really convince oneself that this is true love? can one lie to oneself?

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unofficial graduate. yup that's what i currently am. a part of my identity is of the past and ahead of me is another identity i will be carving out. i'm right smack in the middle; leading an aimless life, thinking about what to do and of coz, with spare time on my hands, i start to reflect and think too much. haha.

these days i'm wondering whether i am losing myself in the midst of the daily hassles. have i lost my voice to speak up about how i feel? why am i afraid? social conformity? afraid to hurt other ppl's feelings? or am i that shui2 bian4? can i be steadfast in my stand when i enter the workforce? is my self-esteem dependent on the appraisals of other people? i want to be confident of myself for who i am and not quiver due to the judgements made by others. searching searching. and oh yes, there is also a fine line between confidence and arrogance. life is about finding the balance, isn't it? (oh well, some may just advice i will only know it when i experience it. so why worry?)
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*blows* cough cough.. ok.. a thicker layer of dust has developed over the past few days. coz nuaster has been playing.. rotting... lazy to blog... okie here's updates!

5-6 may

climbed with my climbing plant on fri morning. (wait. forgot to mention we had BK breakfast! love our yak yak sessions) one of those rare days i actually kept my mind fully concentrated on the route, thinking of different ways to clear the moves. and trying to overcome my fear with li yu. *hugs* we can!!

chalet time. met aunty mich n head down ECP tog. so glad some of the peeps like CLEAN floor to lie on. will remember mopping the floor with only a bar of soap, a jug n 2 mops. then sat at the breakwater and enjoying the sea breeze. i like the company of people who feel comfortable with silence, knowing that they are not moments of awkwardness, but rather, there was no need to make purposeful conversations. then we went back to play games.. which i wasn't suppose to speak! this kind of silence ain't good for my health. lol.

cycled at night. the rd was clear, so was the sky. caught quite abit of stars that night. i like listening to the chirping of the crickets, the wind blowing, the waves lapping and the ships horning. my feet were running while my eyes and mind were roaming. *in own world again* but once in awhile i do exit from my world to listen.

rotted in chalet again. took 15min to decide which film to watch. settled for "white chicks". nua-ed till my eyes couldn't take it anymore and went to take a short nap. aunty mich came back! borrowed bike again. whee! *SCREAM* that's what you can do when there's no one ard at the far end of the road. *snap* photo of the low-flying plane in my mind.

mich n i fetched penny and grace. *drip drop* it drizzled while we sat in the car, listening to music of our time. *snap* another photo of the 4 of us in my mind. BBQ! hugo hugo! cute boy who loves doritoes! my lecturer's son knows what is a hippocampus at the age of 4!

4 of us nua-ed at the beach. sang songs.. share share.. yeeks! lightening strike. zoom zoom to pub. nua-ed again. master grace n penny tot me new skill. haha. met siao sen, wan hua, cai ling at chalet G. played silly game. *snap* smilez.. matz, cailing taught me how to play bridge! *snap* picture of them lauffing. can u tell i'm missing my class already? haha.

7 may.

subway delivery! my fav past-time. nua-ing at MH's hostel. last time we gonna be there! *snap* memories memories. running track, hall 2 canteen, NTU lib, hall 3, hall 6, secret passage, maggie mee, late nights.. siao boh! it's only like 5-6 times out of 4 years. perhaps it was the rarity of such occasions that made these times more precious..

8 may. (5th rotting day...)

met up with one of the people whom i always do fun stuff with! miss SKEE!!! can't stand our spontainiety. (*grins* evil plan in the making. hohohoho.) anywayz, we went ard finding stuff.. but.. ended up eating.. wat's new right.. the NEH NEH POK gang rulez!! toblerone cheescake making time at Sophy's hse!!! thumbs up! oh manz.. i love hanging ard with u guys,there's endless things to do! supper! with mei yu, ah bin n bear bear! soooo looong never see them le.. merry company!! i love listening to them talk. and us being lame. blehz. graduate liaoz.. but i do hope we can still meet up sia...

okiez.. tt sums up the beginning of my aimless life. sunbear thinks thinks. what to do next? most imptly, FREE? haha. (yes i know i'm suppose to be looking for a job. no need to remind me again. blehz.)

~should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind..~